We Didn’t Agree on the Pajamas. But We Agreed on the Hug.”
(Parenting Together – when doing it differently still means doing it side by side.)
The first week home with our baby,
I thought we’d be the dream team.
I mean — we’d talked about it all.
The diaper duties.
The feeding schedule.
The “who gets the midnight shift” agreement written in invisible ink and optimism.
But then came the real nights.
The ones where I was holding a crying baby
and he was holding a bottle upside down, looking at it like it betrayed him.
He wanted routines.
I wanted rhythms.
He swaddled too tight.
I rocked too long.
And one night, we actually had a serious debate
about which pajamas the baby should wear.
He thought the footed ones would keep her warmer.
I thought the zippered ones were faster for changes.
We were both exhausted.
And somehow, that zipper became the hill we were ready to die on.
Until I looked up and said,
“Let’s just hug first. Then choose the pajamas.”
And we both laughed.
That soft, half-delirious, sleep-deprived laugh
that says: “We have no idea what we’re doing. But we’re doing it together.”
Now, we have our own little system.
Not perfect.
Not always in sync.
But anchored in grace.
He takes morning baby duty so I can have my 10 quiet minutes.
I prep her nighttime stuff so he doesn’t forget the pacifier dance.
We still disagree sometimes.
But now we say: “Let’s solve the small stuff with kindness.”
Here are a few things that helped us stay connected through the chaos:
Create tiny moments just for the two of you.
Even if it’s five minutes folding laundry together and sharing the “today she pooped on me” stories.
Leave love notes — or lists.
On our fridge, we have sticky notes. Some say: “Get wipes.”
Some say: “You’re doing great, even if she screamed for 2 hours.”
Let each other parent in their own way.
He sings weird made-up songs. I narrate everything like a storybook.
She needs both voices.
Couple’s Parenting Journal
We take turns writing in it each week. Sometimes it’s a memory. Sometimes it’s a vent. But mostly, it’s proof we’re both trying — and that’s enough.
Night Shift Mug Set
One says “You got this.” The other says “So do you.” Perfect for rotating turns, or just sipping together in silence while the baby naps.
Shared To-Do Board for Parents
It’s magnetic. It’s practical. It’s how we stopped asking “Did you pack the diaper cream?” five times a day.
I’ve learned this:
We don’t have to do it the same to be doing it together.
Some days, we divide and conquer.
Other days, we just huddle up and hope for a better night.
But every evening, after she’s finally down,
we look at each other,
maybe still holding a bottle or a pacifier,
and there’s this silent agreement:
“We made it through today. And tomorrow, we’ll do it again — together.”